Killing Me Softly
by BethyBoo97
Summary: Sandra is living in France with her 3 year old daughter, Olivia, but things are starting to go disastrously wrong. And who is Olivia's dad? *Just because I'm usually a sherry writer doesn't mean it'll go the same way. It could be anyone*
1. Family Life

She never saw this for herself when she imagined her future; kids had never come into the equation, and even if they had have done being a single parent definitely would not have done.

She'd been living in France for just under 4 years now and she had to admit that she loved it. When she'd taken the job she hadn't envisaged it turning out as well as it had and perhaps well was an understatement. She had done well for herself and then there was her daughter, Olivia, who was just over three years old. Olivia was the spitting image of Sandra and had a lovely personality, she never stopped smiling and the sound of her laughing and become the soundtrack to Sandra's life in the years since having her.

The two of them were settled in France in the quiet countryside. Sandra had never pictured herself in the countryside either but after Olivia was born she saw it as safer for them and it would give her daughter more room to play. Since moving her French had become near fluent and even Olivia, who had seemed to have mastered the English language as much as a three year old can and never shut up, was now picking up the odd French word.

When teaching Olivia to talk she'd reached the dilemma of teaching her English and possibly putting her at a disadvantage to other kids or teach her French and have her unable to communicate with family. In the end she'd gone for English because although the extent of Sandra's family was Grace, if Grace couldn't communicate with her granddaughter then she'd have never heard the last of it. Grace made the trip over to France three times a year to see Sandra and Olivia and they all loved it. Since having Olivia, Sandra's relationship with her mother had changed significantly and for the better, although every trip one question came up, who's Olivia's dad?

The question was one that only Sandra knew the answer to and she intended on keeping it that way. Sandra and Olivia had never gone back to London purely because Sandra didn't want to run into Olivia's father, if it happened she'd have a lot of explaining to do as he didn't know of Olivia's existence. It was easier this way, his and Sandra's relationship hadn't ended well and it wasn't until she'd moved that she found out that the end of that relationship had left her more than bad memories. Saying that though, Olivia was the best thing to happen to Sandra and it had completely changed her and for the better, apart from her paranoia when it came to speaking to, or even her mum speaking to, anyone back home.

"Baby girl it's bed time. " Sandra told Olivia as she snuck up behind her and lifted her into the air.

"No mummy!" Olivia laughed as Sandra tickled her lightly while carrying the small girl through to her bedroom. She helped Olivia get changed before tucking her into bed, accepting that this would be another round to their bedtime game.

"Night night Liv, I love you. Sleep tight." Sandra said as she kissed her daughters cheek and walked out turning the light off as she did so.

It wasn't even five minutes later that she heard the light padding of feet on the stairs, she pretended not to notice her daughter's presence until the three year old flung herself into her mother's arms. Being a little madam, that was another quality that both mother and daughter shared, Sandra was about to try and put Olivia back to bed when her home phone rang. The phone very rarely rang and even then it was her work when she couldn't be reached on her mobile and work didn't ring after 6 so that they didn't wake Olivia.

Sandra answered the phone and immediately and face dropped.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."


	2. Up, Up and Away

"Baby we're going on holiday." Sandra told her daughter as she put the phone down and picked Olivia up before carrying her up the stairs.

"Can I take Boo?" Olivia asked, Boo was her teddy that she'd had since birth.

"Course you can. How about you come and sit on mummy's bed while I sort my stuff out and then we'll sort yours." Sandra asked as she put the little girl on the floor and watched her run through to her room and bounce on her bed.

As she'd expected it wasn't long until Olivia was fast asleep on her bed as Sandra finished packing her stuff. The problem was that Sandra didn't know how long they'd be away for, she couldn't help the butterflies in her tummy, she was nervous. She didn't have the time to sit and dwell though, they had a plane to catch and they had to be ready.

Olivia was fast asleep and showed no sign of waking anytime soon. Normally she'd have left her but right now they had somewhere to be, she still didn't want to wake her daughter so after packing the car with their suitcase and Olivia's pram, she lifted Olivia and strapped her into her car seat as she snored gently.

It wasn't long until they were at the arirport and now Sandra was faced with the issue of pushing Olivia in the pram and carrying two suit cases, This was why she so rarely travelled and usually Olivia wasn't in the pram.

She'd now managed to sort the pram out and get Olivia into it without having woken her and a man had stopped to help her load the cases onto a trolley to transport inaide.

It was almost 9 when they'd gotten through security and Olivia was now wide awake but grumpy for having been woken. Their plane wasn't 40 minutes so she took Olivia out of the pram.

"Don't cry Liv, please." Sandra said as she cuddled her baby close. "Come on we're going to see Granny."

"Why can't she come to see us?"

"Well you've never been to London."

"Have so!" Olivia protested.

"When?" Sandra asked deciding to humour her.

"Yesterday."

"Really? Because I seem to remember you went to playgroup and then when I picked you up you went to ballet."

"No, I went to London." Olivia continued her grumpy protest.

"Can mummy have a cuddle?" Sandra asked as Olivia, who had been sat on the seat next to her mother, climbed onto her lap. "Once upon a time there lived a little princess called Olivia and she had to go on a trip with her mummy. They were going to see her Granny and spend some time doing whatever Olivia wanted to do…" Sandra looked down to see the little girl was asleep and saw no point in continuing her story, which was just as well because she didn't know where it was going.

The plane was almost full once they'd qotten on and with only 10 minutes until departure it was probably just as well.

"I'm bored mummy."

"Well once we're up in the clouds, it'll only be an hour until we're there."

"Then what?"

"Then we drive to a hotel and go to sleep because it's late."

"But I'm not tired."

"Okay well sit tight and put your fingers in your ears." Olivia giggled as she did but it was in order to keep her smiling and her ears okay during take off. 

"How much longer? I'm bored mummy." Olivia asked having not gone to sleep as Sandra had expected she would.

"Not long, watch out the window and tell me what you see." Sandra told her knowing full well that outside the plane window was darkness.

"I see a giraffe." Olivia told her.

"Are you sure?" Sandra asked smiling.

"Yes." Olivia said and nodded to further make her point.

"He must have a long neck."

"It's a girl! Boys are smelly!"

"Okay then, just you remember that." Grace had always said that Sandra had been the same, that was until she figured out that they served a purpose.

"We're here little girl, have you got Boo princess?" Olivia nodded as they both stood up before Sandra took the little girl's hand. "Are you wrapped up warm? It's colder here." Sandra asked before standing into the side and doing Olivia's coat up and then reaching back down for her hand.

"Is Granny here?"

"No, we're going to go to bed and then see Granny tomorrow."


	3. Discovery

She'd originally helped her mother in picking her nursing home for her own convenience, because it was close to UCOS. Now though as the cab carried her and her daughter to a hotel close to the nursing home, she couldn't help the voice in her head telling her to run as fast as her legs could carry her. Each mile they got closer to the hotel they also got closer to the UCOS office which meant she was closest to the someone that if he saw her with Olivia, she would have a lot of explaining to do.

The car came to a halt outside a familiar hotel and quickly she bundled Olivia and herself with their stuff into the hotel.

"I have a reservation." Sandra told the receptionist.

"Name?"

"Pullman."

"Yeah, room 216. Do you need any help taking your stuff up to your room?"

"Erm, yes please." Usually she'd have insisted on doing it on her own but as she looked down she noticed just how much they had with them. A man in a bellboy uniform came and took their stuff as Sandra and Olivia sat in reception while Sandra filled some forms in.

"Sandra Pullman?" The fact that someone was calling her name was the stuff of her nightmares but fortunately it wasn't Olivia's dad, instead it was one of her old friends, Esther.

"Erm yeah. Hello Esther."

"There's no need to look so scared. I didn't know you were back in town." Olivia peered her head around from where she'd hidden behind her mum. "Who's this?"

"Erm, why don't you come up to our room and I'll explain?"

"Yeah okay, doesn't look like my friends coming anyway."

"So Sandra, why didn't you tell us you were coming back?" Esther asked.

"It was kind of a last minute decision."

"So why are you back?"

"Mum's not well."

"And who's this?" Esther asked as Olivia peered over at Esther.

"My name's Olivia." Olivia told the older woman.

"Well hello Olivia, I'm Esther."

"Olivia it's time for bed now, Esther can you give me a minute?"

"Sure."

Soon Olivia was tucked up in bed and by now was dead to the world.

"Esther you can't tell anyone that I'm here, or about Olivia."

"She's your daughter then?"

"Yeah."

"How old is she?"

"3 and a bit." "Who's her dad then?"

"It doesn't matter but he doesn't know so don't say anything to anyone."

"I won't. She's gorgeous though Sandra, the spitting image of you."

"Thank you."

"Well I should be getting to Brian and don't worry I won't tell them you're here. I hope your mum is okay and if you need anything while you're here then just text me."

"Thank you and I will do."

With Esther now gone Sandra felt sick with worry that her secret may not remain a secret for long. She lay in bed but sleep wasn't consuming her like it normally would do, instead panic was. Her baby across in her bed was fast asleep without a care in the world, unfortunately Sandra couldn't do the same. As well as the panic a sense of guilt was building at the fact that she was treating the most important thing in her world like a dirty secret.


	4. Skinned Knees

"Miss Pullman here to see my mum, Grace Pullman." Sandra told the receptionist at her mum's care home.  
"Oh, I'm sorry did no one call you?" The receptionist asked sympathetically.

"Where's Granny, Mummy?" Olivia asked from her buggy.

"One minute baby." Sandra said to her daughter before turning back to the receptionist. "My phone died and I only just put it on charge before I left. Is everything okay?"

"I'm sorry, your mum's condition deteriorated overnight so she's been taken to the hospital."  
"Oh God, thank you."

Hurriedly Sandra and Olivia returned to their hotel room, where Sandra grabbed her phone which had been charging while she was out. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the number she needed and dialled it.  
"Sandra is everything okay?" Esther asked.

"Not really, mum's been moved to the hospital."

"Oh God, is she okay?"

"I don't know, is Brian in?"

"Yeah he's in the garden, do you need me to get rid of him for a bit?"

"No it's fine, is there any way you could take Olivia out for a few hours? I don't want to take her to the hospital, I'd give you money to take her out of course."

"Course I'll have her Sandra, anything I can do to help I will."

"Thanks."

"Olivia, you remember the lady who came last night?" Olivia nodded. "She's going to take you out today."

"But I want to see Granny!"

"You can't she's not very well, I'm sure Esther will take you to the park if you ask nicely."

There was a knock on the room door not five minutes later.

"Thank you so much for doing this Esther. Here's £20 to take her out and £10 for doing this for me. She has her teddy and won't go anywhere without it and here's her epi pen as she's allergic to nuts, but you probably won't need it. Any problems just call me." Sandra explained as she did Olivia's coat up and strapped her into the buggy.

"I'm not taking your money, I'll treat her. It's not everyday that there's a new child to spoil."

"Do you think you'll be okay then?" Sandra asked feeling guilty for leaving her daughter on their first full day in London and with someone Olivia barely knew. She also felt guilty for asking Esther for a favour after having not seen her in three and a half years, even if Esther insisted that it was fine.

"We'll be fine, now go and see your mum!" After having again said thank you and saying her goodbyes, Sandra left.

"Can we go to the park please?" Olivia asked politely.

"Of course we can Olivia."

Olivia was now running about playing while Esther sat watching her. Esther had missed doing things like this since Mark and her grandson had moved away.

"Esther?" A familiar voice called.

Next thing she knew Gerry, Steve and someone else who she recognised as the man who took over from Brian at UCOS, were beside her with Gerry Jr on the field behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Esther asked nervously as she glanced back to Olivia to check that she was still okay.

"We all got the day off as Sasha's on a course and Gerry Jr has a teacher training day so I thought I'd show these two how great my grandson is at football." Gerry replied proudly.

"Hey granddad are you coming?" Gerry Jr called.

"Yeah, one minute!" Gerry called back. "So why are you here?"

"Babysitting my friend's daughter, she had an emergency to tend to." The situation was going well up until Olivia began crying. Esther leaped up and picked the little girl, who had fallen over, up and now had two skinned knees.

"If you want I can take you back to my place to patch her up. It's just down the road and these two can cope without me for a bit." Steve offered. Esther wanted to turn him down for fear of what Sandra would say but Olivia kept crying and her knees needed cleaning and dressing so she had no option. She was just going to have to handle this carefully.

"Yeah, it it's not too much trouble."


	5. UCOS Reunion?

"There you go darlin'." Steve said as he passed her a glass of water. Esther was nearly finished cleaning Olivia's knees up. "So what's your name?"

"Olivia Pullman, I'm going to be four soon!" Olivia told him proudly as Esther tried to contain the worry that has suddenly started.

"Ah hello Olivia, I'm Steve McAndrew and I'm a lot older than you." Olivia laughed.

"Mum! How are you feeling?" Sandra asked her mum after having been shown to the correct ward.

"Stop fussing I'm fine, where's Liv?" Grace asked worriedly and briefly wondered if there was any way that in the last few months since she'd seen the pair of them, whether Sandra could have killed her daughter.

"I didn't know what condition you'd be in so I left her with Esther."

"With who?"

"You know Esther, Brian Lane's wife."

"Ah, so you finally told someone of her existence!"

"I had no choice really. Anyway she's under strict instructions!"

"What pretend that she's someone else's and that your daughter doesn't exist?"

"No!"

"You have to tell the truth one day Sandra, there'll come a day when she asks who her father is." Came the voice of reason from Grace.

"I know, I just don't know how yet."

"Why don't you go and pick her up now that you know that I'm not on my deathbed?"

"Fine."

"Sandra? I didn't know that you were back in the country!" Came another familiar voice as she went to leave the hospital. As she turned around she said a silent prayer that Olivia wasn't with her.

"It's just a flying visit sir, mum's not well." She replied as she found herself face to face with her former boss, Strickland.

"You can drop the sir, you no longer work under me."

"Sorry, force of habit."

"Fancy a drink and catch up while you're here?"

"I can't Ro... I have plans." Sandra replied not quite able to bring herself to use his Christian name.

"Ah, well next time you're here then?"

"Definitely."

She left the hospital and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

"Hi Esther, where are you?"

"Erm..."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Olivia hurt her knees..."

"Oh God, is she okay?"

"Yeah but we're at my friend Steve's house because he was at the park and said he lived close and that I could clean her up there."

"Steve McAndrew?" Sandra asked nervously as she hoped that she'd gotten it wrong.

"Yeah." Esther replied apologetically, "I'm sorry."

"Can you bring her back to the hospital please?" Sandra said needing to get off of the phone as she felt tears in her eyes.

"Yeah sure, see you in a bit."

"I'm sorry Steve we have to go, mummy's missing her baby. Sorry to have been any trouble but thanks for helping." Esther said as she strapped Olivia back into the buggy.

"Honestly, it was no trouble." He said to Esther before turning to Olivia. "Bye bye Olivia."

"Bye."

With Esther now gone Steve pulled out his phone and rang Gerry.

"Hey mate."

"Hi, is that little girl okay?" Gerry asked.

"Yeah she's fine, she's gone now. Did she remind you of anyone?"

"Yeah, now you mention it she looked a little like Sandra I guess."

"That's what I thought and guess what she said her name was?"

"What?"

"Olivia Pullman!"

"That'll just be a coincidence, it's quite a common name. Sandra didn't want kids and anyway she's not even in the country." Gerry argued.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Steve replied, no longer sure what he thought.

"Are you coming back to play?"

"Na mate, I think I'll pass."

"Suit yourself, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah bye mate." Steve said as he threw his phone down and instead picked his laptop up to do a little digging.


	6. Rainbow of Emotions

After having found nothing when digging for information Steve had been persuaded into thinking that it was all a coincidence. **************************************** "Esther, thank God!" Sandra said as she let Esther and Olivia back into the hotel room. "Are you okay baby?" "I hurt my knees but Steve made them better." Olivia told them. "Ah good! Why don't you go okay one of those games that I bought you while I was out?" Sandra said as Olivia ran over to the bags on Sandra's bed and went through them. "Did he have any idea of who she was?" "I don't think so, she told him her name was Olivia Pullman but I don't think he put two and two together." "Oh my God. This isn't good. He's a good detective he'll figure it out and then everyone will know." "Yeah another thing is Gerry and Dan were at the park and were talking to me. They have no idea who she is though!" "Oh God, Steve will have rung them as soon as you left. What am I going to do?!" Sandra said as tears began falling and her breathing became a bit erratic. "Breathe Sandra, what's the worst that could happen if the boys know you have a daughter or if the dad knows?" "He might try and take her off me and stop me going back to France." "If it's any of those boys then I doubt they'd take her away, they'd probably want access but you're a good mum. You have nothing to worry about." "You don't know that and it's not a chance I'm willing to take. I need to go home where all of this will be irrelevant or go somewhere where they can't find me while looking after mum. Maybe I'll get a flat here for a bit." Sandra told her in a panicked tone. "You need to calm down and then think this through." "Mummy?" Olivia asked as she saw her mummy crying and crawled onto her lap and gave her a kiss. "I'm fine baby, do you want to go and see Granny now?" "Yeah!" "Good girl, do you need the toilet before we go?" The little girl shook her head. "Okay. Thanks for today Esther." Sandra said bluntly as she had gone from melting down to an irrational anger. "Granny is a little bit poorly baby so she's in hospital. She's not going to be able to get of bed and play with you and lots of people are poorly and need to sleep so you have to be as quiet as you can." "I can do that, I'll be like a mouse!" "That's a good girl! And then as soon as Granny's well we'll go home." 


	7. UCOS Talks

"Boys, none of you mentioned that Sandra was back in town." Strickland said as he came into the UCOS office, it was common knowledge that Strickland had fancied Sandra but this was further proof. "Erm we didn't know until you just told us sir." Gerry replied as Steve stared at him. "Oh okay, never mind then. I saw her at the hospital this morning." It all clicked into place for Steve and Gerry and they were now determined to put across their point but they were still both unsure of what it meant, if anything at all. It wasn't until Strickland left through that they actually said what they knew. "You know that girl that Esther was looking after?" Steve asked Dan. "Yeah." "Well did she remind you of anyone?" Gerry asked wondering if he saw it too. "Not off the top of my head." Dan replied. "We both think she's the spitting image of Sandra." "Yeah, now you mention it she was." "When you was at mine yesterday she told us her name was Olivia Pullman. Esther said her mother was tending to an emergency so if Sandra is back in this country and was at the hospital then it all fits!" Steve told him, proud that he'd got it right in the first place. "So Sandra has a daughter, so what? It's not as if we've kept in contact with her, for all we know she could be married and have her daughter." Dan pointed out, the thought was what they were all thinking but no one had wanted to say before Dan. "I hope you boys are working." Sasha smiled as she walked out of her office. "Waiting for forensics. Anyway we're on lunch!" Gerry replied. "Fine. What are you talking about?" "Our old boss." Steve told her. "Oh. DS Pullman." "Yeah, did you know her well?" "Not really, why?" "She's back in the country and she has a daughter now." Steve conversed with her while the other two sat in thought. "Aw, congratulations." "The thing is that the girl must have been about 4." Gerry thought allowed. "Three and a half!" Steve interjected. "Well that'd have meant she'd have been pregnant before she left." Sasha pointed out. "Exactly." "Well did she have a boyfriend or husband?" Sasha asked as it seemed only Gerry was going to talk to her as Steve got up to make coffee and Dan excused himself to go to the toilet. "No. She preferred the single life." "Oh, well she didn't get pregnant by herself." "No I know. Sash, do you mind if I take the afternoon off? I have some things to take care of?" "Sorry Gerry, I would if I could but I can't spare you this afternoon." Sasha replied apologetically. "It was a long shot anyway." "Sorry." 


	8. Mamma Knows Best

"Granny!" Olivia shouted excitedly when she saw Grace, leaving Sandra apologising to everyone as Olivia ran off ahead. "Olivia! Come here baby!" Grace called as Olivia got closer and by the time Sandra had gotten there Olivia was laying in the bed in her Granny's arms. "Your mummy took her time!" Grace said as Sandra sat down on the chair by the bed. "Yeah well someone ran off ahead!" Hours passed as they sat all chatting away at Grace's bedside when Sandra felt her phone vibrate and when she picked it up it told her that Esther was calling. "Esther, I can't really talk just now..." "Trust me you'll want to hear this." "Fine, go on." "Gerry's just rang Brian. They know you're back and that you have a three and a half year old daughter." "No! How?" "I heard something about connecting the dots. Sorry I don't know anymore Sandra." "Okay, thanks anyway." "What's wrong darling?" Grace asked worriedly as more tears poured down her face. "The fathers going to find out about Olivia and possibly already does!" Sandra said as she put her hands over her daughters ears. "Oh Sandra, I told you this would happen. You have to get there first and pray that he doesn't know anything yet." "And if he does?" "Well then you have a lot of explaining to do." "What if he tries to take her from me?" "Come on Sandra, I raised you with more fight than that. Show me it." "Mum I can't lose her!" Sandra said trying to control her emotions for her daughters sake. "And you won't. Find him and talk to him. I would keep Olivia but visiting hours are over in 15 minutes." "Do you think Esther will take her after how I was with her today?" "I'm sure she will, I'm sure she can see how stressed you are. The bags under your eyes against your ghostly white face. If you do it then maybe you'll be able to eat and sleep." "But how..." "Mothers know best." "Sandra what's up?" Esther asked worriedly and was clearly not too annoyed about that day. "The boys all know." "Sorry." "No it's not your fault. Anyway I'm going to go and speak to the dad before he finds out from someone else. Would you keep Olivia for a couple of hours while I sort all of this out? I'm sorry I keep passing her to you, I don't usually do this. She usually comes with my everywhere or I don't go but I can't this time obviously." Sandra explained herself. "No Sandra it's fine, it's important and I get that. Is it okay if she comes to the house with Brian here? I'll make her dinner and if you're going to be late then she can stay the night here." "That's brilliant, thank you! One thing, can you not tell anyone else she's there? I don't want the boys going to see her." "I wouldn't let them in anyway, she's not allergic to dogs is she? And is there anything that she won't eat?" "Just avoid nuts at all costs other than that she's not fussy, and no she loves animals. You'll have fun trying to get her away from Scampi. I'll go and pack her a bag just in case I'm out past her bedtime and bring her round." Another thought came to Sandra's mind. "You haven't moved have you?" "No, we're in the same old place. I'm just going to get some food in that's more appropriate for her but Brian'll be in." "Don't go to too much trouble, like I say she'll eat anything." 


	9. Fight or Flight

"Right I have to go away for tonight baby girl, you're going to stay with Esther and Brian. They have a dog called Scampi. You be a good girl!" Sandra said as they stood on Esther's doorstep waiting for the door to be answered. "Sandra! They all said you were back but I didn't believe them." "Yeah, Esther said you'd look after Olivia tonight." "Yeah, she's gone to get some food in." "Right well here's her bag it's got everything she needs in. There's some toys, clothes and her epi pen. She's allergic to nuts, she'll also need help getting her teeth cleaned, and getting dressed. She doesn't sleep unless she's had a story before bed so I left one in her bag." Sandra told him making sure she'd not forgotten anything. "Okay, come in, Esther'll be back soon." "I really must be off but thanks again! Bye bye baby, remember what I said and I'll be back before you know it." "Bye bye mummy." "Love you baby." Brian had now shut the door and Sandra was about to turn to get into the car she'd since hired for while she was back in the country. "Sandra wait!" Came an all too familiar voice. "Not now Gerry." He grabbed her arm to stop her. "We need to talk." "Not right now we don't, I have something I need to do." She said cruelly as she shook him off and got into the car, she drove off leaving Gerry stood where he'd been before on the pavement. She drove for a while just to get away as she heard her phone go. Ignoring the missed calls from Gerry she skipped to the text she'd received instead and saw he'd texted her where to meet him. When she got to the met building she felt weird going up to the reception and telling them who she was here to see when just four years before she could wander around the building as she pleased. She found the escort she got to him weird as well. "Sandra, I thought you were too busy to talk to me?" Strickland said calmly as he saw just how stressed Sandra looked. "Yeah well there's something I need to tell you." "Do you want a coffee?" "Yes please." Sandra replied as he phoned through to reception and asked for two coffees, what surprised Sandra was that he remembered exactly how she took it. "So what was it you wanted to tell me?" Strickland asked now that they both had their coffees and there was no chance of any disturbance. "Erm, I don't know if you already know but I have a three and a half year old daughter." Sandra said as she showed him a picture on her phone. "No I didn't know, she's gorgeous though. Spitting image of you." She was surprised at him not knowing but it made her even more determined to tell him before someone else is. "I didn't realise I was pregnant until I was in France and by then it was too late to do anything about it. I fell in love with her when she was born." "I'm very pleased for you Sandra. But why are you telling me about her? We aren't exactly close friends." "Her name is Olivia and you're her father." 


	10. Back to Square One

He sat silently staring at her which was putting her on edge, however she'd convinced herself that it was better than being shouted at or having to explain her actions.

"No..." He began to speak with a tone she'd never heard him use before.

"I'm so sorry that I kept it from you."

"No listen Sandra, as much as I'd love her to be mine, she can't be." Sandra looked up at him oddly. "After Rufus and Hermoine were born I had a vasectomy. She can't be mine."

"But..." Sandra started but then stopped, she had been convinced that he was her father and still was. The dates had worked out perfectly and it wasn't like she'd just gone sleeping around. "They can go wrong."

"I can do a DNA test if you want but I'm 99% sure she's not mine, of course if I'm wrong I'll pay maintenance and ask to see her occasionally."

"Okay, we don't need money but I don't want to keep Liv from her dad any more."

"I would suggest you go and speak to whoever else is possibly the father before we do this DNA test. You know where I am if you need me and you have my number." Sandra stood up to leave but she was kind of running on auto pilot now, when she'd arrived she'd thought by now this would all be over now though she realised that this was only the beginning.

She drove back to the hotel as it was past her daughters bed time now and she wasn't willing to disturb their routine any more than coming to the UK in the first place had. She didn't even make it to the room and instead chose to sit at the hotels bar, her phone was turned off to make a point to Gerry so without even her phone she was beginning to feel lonely sat drinking on her own.

When she'd arrived in the UK she'd wanted no one to find out she was their let alone that she had a daughter, now though the person that she'd always thought to be Olivia's dad probably wasn't and the other possibility made her feel sick. She had once loved him and still did slightly but deep down, it had taken a lot of suppressing it to get it that way. They'd been together a year but secretly which had involved a hell of a lot of sneaking around, it was never going to last between them, it never could and the inevitable happened and it left them barely civil to each other, although at work they pretended everything was okay. The thought of having to tell him he possibly had a daughter with her let alone actually talk to him properly and calmly again wasn't a nice one. This was how she found herself back to square one decision wise but also feelings wise.

**A/N This isn't strictly story related but for a while our ships have been really divided and the divide is becoming bigger. I'm TeamSherry but I have a good friend who's Sandland because at the end of the day it's a programme. Twitter is becoming a nightmare in this fandom because it all seems to be hating on each other and to be honest it's not helping anyone. We are a small fanbase as it is so what we really need is to be pulling together, not further apart. **

**Rant over.**

**Beth xx**


	11. What Now?

What Now? She wasn't drunk but was bordering it when she left the bar to go to her room. She was still feeling guilty and nervous having left her daughter over night for the first time since Olivia had been born. The knots of worry and confusion were so strongly there too, the mix of those feelings meant that she was now sitting in tears. When she'd realised she was pregnant she'd expected this to happen but after realising no one knew or was even suspicious, she calmed. This was the storm that was inevitable. She'd never wanted to step foot back in the UK and if her mum had listened to her the year before and moved out to France then it wouldn't have happened at all. Not that she blamed her mum, in fairness this was all her fault. If she hadn't have been so stupid as to sleep with him for the best part of a year and then sleep with Strickland on the rebound then she'd have never been in this situation at all. Saying that she loved Olivia and couldn't and wouldn't be without her now, the minute she'd seen her daughter she fell in love and it was a love unlike any she'd felt before. She sat down and tried, unsuccessfully, to clear her mind so she could form a plan. The simple question was what now? Fair enough she could get a DNA test and find out if she was Rob's but if it turned out how Rob was so sure it would then she'd still be in this situation. Putting her phone on charge she noticed the 20 missed calls, 6 voicemails and then thanked whoever it was that was doing such a bad job of looking over her for the fact that no one had called in at least an hour. She had at least 5 calls each from Dan, Steve and Gerry and quite frankly she wasn't rest to talk to any of them. When he rang before she'd met up with Strickland she thought he wanted to talk about their relationship but now she couldn't help but wonder whether he'd known what she hadn't. That night she'd fallen asleep as she'd tried to formulate a plan, it had ended in nightmares but she had a clearer idea of what she was going to do. 


	12. Fight or Flight II

Fight or Flight II She'd rung the hospital the night before and made sure they could fit with her plan. She had half an hour until she said she'd pick Olivia up and she wanted everything ready by then. She was just about packed up at the hotel and had one last thing to do before she left. "Mum?" Sandra asked as her mum was still laying in the bed. "The doctors discharging me." "Why aren't you up and ready to go then?" "The home can't pick me up until later." "Don't worry about that, you're coming to stay with me." "What in your hotel? It's hardly suitable." "No, we're going back to France mum. I sorted everything, our planes in two hours." "Did you speak to Olivia's dad?" Grace asked wondering if the response was why she was running away. "Yeah and it's fine, and you're fine so it's time to go home." Sandra lied. "Where's Olivia?" "Well when you get up we're going to pick her up so hurry up!" "Okay." Grace and Sandra were in a taxi now as Sandra had given her hire car back. The car pulled to a halt outside the Lane residence and Sandra hopped out. "Morning." Sandra smiled cheerily. "Morning." Esther replied just as cheerily. "Olivia, your mummy's here! Brian get her stuff for her!" Esther called. "How's she been?" "She was an angel, I'm sure she'll tell you everything." "Thanks again for having her." Olivia appeared at the door and was in Sandra's arms in seconds. "I missed you baby, what do you say to Brian and Esther?" "Thank you!" Thankfully Esther didn't associate the car with the Pullman's leaving, if she had then she might have done something to stop them. "We're going home baby, back on the plane and then you'll be able to sleep in your bed and have all of your toys!" "Yay! I'll see Elodie!" Olivia became excited. "Yep, you'll go back to nursery and ballet and Granny's coming to stay with us." 


	13. Don't Look Back

Killing me softly 13

Don't look back

The group sat the small cafe as check in wasn't open just yet. Sandra's phone kept ringing, she hadn't yet answered and her mother was clearly becoming more suspicious.  
As she turned her head to see if her check in was open yet she caught sight of a familiar figure and quickly turned her head back in the hope that he wouldn't notice them.

He'd known what she was planning, he could always read her like a book. There were currently no check-ins opened for France and given the timings Esther gave him there was no way that she already gone. That's meant that she was around here somewhere.

As soon as he started looking he saw her unmistakable hair easily and headed over. When she turned her head slightly he saw the look in Sandra's eyes and he knew that she was going to follow this through.  
"Sandra?"  
She knew this would happen, no matter how much she tried to kid herself. No matter how much she'd been prepping herself, no amount of preparation could help with what was to come.  
Sandra hadn't quite figured out how to deal with this situation so had remained quiet and was yet to look at him or even acknowledge that he was there.  
"Sandra this mans talking to you." Grace said as Sandra looked into her mug.  
"I'm just going to the toilets over there. I'll ask what's going on with check in while I'm over there." Sandra told her mum as she ignored what Grace told her and was blatantly ignoring the man stood next to her.

She pushed the chair she was sat on out and left the table, walking in the direction of the women's toilet. He wasn't exactly great at taking her hints in the past but this was an obvious one yet he chose to ignore that and follow her.  
"Sandra is there any point in running away? I'm just going to follow you."  
"What in to the women's toilets?" Sandra challenged him.  
"No but I'll stand here and wait."  
"Do what you want. You will anyway."

She stood staring at her reflection wondering what good she was doing herself. Staying where she was stood was the cowardly option and frankly wasn't a sustainable plan. She'd already been rooted to the same spot for the best part of five minutes but when it came to coming up with a plan her brain and heart wouldn't play ball.  
He'd already know what she was doing but he'd made it his mission to talk to her, God knows what about, and he wasn't one to give up when he had his mind set on something. Sooner or later she was going to have to face up to reality and face him and although later seemed the more appealing option it was going to have to be sooner.  
"Mummy!"  
"What are you doing in here?" Sandra asked as her mind momentarily flicked into the now, which was a welcomed distraction.  
"We'd finished our drinks and she needed the toilet. He's standing out there like a lost puppy, go sort whatever you have to out."  
"Thanks Mum." She said thanks but she didn't feel particular thankful instead she felt sick. She had no idea what this conversation was going to be about and something told her it wasn't going to be good. Now was time to find out.

"Gerry." She addressed him bitterly.  
"Finally decided to stop hiding."  
"Looks like it. What do you want?" Sandra was talking to him with so much poison in her voice that it was more like she was talking to her worst enemy rather that her good friend.  
"I know..."


	14. What Do You Mean?

Killing Me Softly 14

What Do You Mean?

She took his arm and pulled him over to a collection of chairs. She sat down and he did the same after she'd let go of his arm.  
"What do you know?" Sandra  
asked nervously.  
"I know about Olivia." She sighed a sigh of relief.  
"Is that it? I mean you all know about her."  
"No I mean I know who her dad is."  
"What how?" Sandra asked the nervousness returning to her voice.  
"I'm not stupid. Why didn't you tell me about your relationship? And why didn't you tell me about Olivia? You are my best friend and even though we barely spoke after you left if it was something as but as that I expected that you would." This she could deal with, just about. This was easier than what she'd been expecting.  
"I'm so sorry Gerry. Her dad never knew and I thought if you know it wouldn't be long until he knew. I did want to tell you though."  
"Do you really think that little of me that you think I'd tell someone else if you'd told me to keep a secret?"  
"That's not what I mean, God I don't want it to seem like she's my dirty secret."  
"I don't mean to be rude Sandra but stop treating her like she's one then." She looked at him, offence was plastered across her face but not for very long before she realised that he was right.  
"That's why we're going home, there she's just my daughter and we're a normal family like everyone else, not a secret."  
"So you're just going to run?"  
"Isn't that what I always do?" Sandra retorted.  
"It doesn't have to be what you always do."  
"That's where you're wrong. You can't stop me going."  
"I know and if it's not what you want then I don't intend too. How about this time though we actually keep in proper contact? And how about you bring her over and we have a good old catch up while we wait for your plane?" She looked up at Gerry and smiled, there was no anger in his features and instead kindness and caring was laced in them.  
"Okay, let me go and get her."

She returned minutes later with Olivia's hand in hers.  
"Olivia this is your Uncle Gerry." He smiled at what she'd called him as it was a sign that she wasn't going to let them fall apart again. Without another word Olivia crawled onto his lap and sat there contently.  
"Hello there little un'. How have you enjoyed London?"  
"It's cold! Brr!" Olivia told him.  
"Yeah it is!" She sat quietly on his lap and conversation turned back to catching up. Both Sandra and Gerry talked about their jobs, family and unsuccessful love life for nearly two hours before Sandra realised the time. It was ten minutes after the time her plane had been scheduled to leave.


	15. Party in the UK

Killing Me Softly 15

Party in the UK

"Gerry what's the time?" Sandra asked him, wanting to make sure both her phone and watch were right.  
"14:27 why, how long until your flight?"  
"It's scheduled to leave at 14:17, it's gone." Sandra looked like she was going to cry, so as his best friend he decided it was time that he took control.  
She was confused as he got up and walked off, surely he wasn't going to leave her now. She left her luggage and Olivia with her mum with the promise that was she going to sort all of this out.  
"Gerry, wait!" Sandra called across the busy airport."Where are you going?"  
"To sort this for you, are you coming?"  
"Yeah." He took her hand as a gesture of support and friendship rather than anything romantic and squeezed it.

They'd waited there turn in a queue at customer services and now they were at the front and it was probably just as well as Sandra was becoming more and more agitated.  
"Hello sir, how can I help?" The receptionist asked.  
"I need three tickets on the next flight to Paris." The man at reception clicked a few buttons on his computer before looking up at Gerry again sympathetically.  
"I'm sorry, France is experiencing severe storms at the moment and all planes are cancelled until things begin to look better but between me and you it looks like it'll be tomorrow afternoon at least."  
"Thanks anyway."

"Now what Gerry?" Sandra asked as the tears did begin to fall but didn't get as far as rolling down her face as Gerry wiped them away.  
"I mean you could come and stay with me tonight, you and Olivia could take my bed and your mum could take the spare bed."  
"What about you?"  
"I'll take the sofa."  
"You can't do that, if we're going to stay then mum and Liv can share and I'll share with you, we're both adults and good friends so just sleeping in the same bed will be okay."  
"I'd never try anything especially after we just salvage our friendship."  
"Are you sure you don't mind us staying for tonight?"  
"Of course I don't, anyway it'll give us more time to catch up. I'll cook us all a nice dinner and then we can watch a Disney film of Olivia's choice, I have some from when Gerry was younger."  
"Yeah that sounds good. Do you still have that ridiculous car?"  
"It's still a classic Sandra!" Gerry protested.  
"It's a relic, just like you." They both laughed they were enjoying how easily they'd slipped into the playful banter that they'd always enjoyed and was an important part of their friendship. "We'll get a can to yours, let me just go and explain to mum. Can you call us a can while I do that?"  
"Yeah, and here's my house key. You'll be back before me as I need to go and get some food in."  
"Thank you for this Gerry."


	16. Girl Missing

Killing Me Softly 16

They were now all in Gerry's flat, Grace was up in bed as she claimed she needed a rest and Olivia was on the couch watching kids tv with her teddy in her arms. Sandra was in the kitchen getting Olivia a drink, for a minute she could almost convince herself that it was all those years before and Gerry and her were having a drink and a meal as they so often did.  
"Mummy?" Olivia was suddenly in the kitchen too.  
"Yes baby?"  
"Will you watch with me?" Olivia asked as she pointed to the TV.  
"Course baby. Just let me put the juice away."

When Gerry arrived with the shopping he arrived to find Sandra and Olivia cuddled up together in front of the tv, both of them were sound asleep. He reached over them for the blanket laying over the back of the sofa and draped it over the two of them and then turned his attention back to putting the shopping away making sure he was quiet enough that he wouldn't wake them.

Unfortunately he wasn't quite quiet enough and Olivia was now awake and had crawled from under the blanket to Gerry who was still unpacking groceries. Amazingly she'd been careful enough not to wake Sandra, who was now snoring gently.  
"Hello there little un', do you want a drink?"  
"No, I'm bored Uncle Gerry."  
"Ah well how about we go to the park while your mummy sleeps and we'll try not to let you get hurt this time."

Gerry had met his grandson and had Olivia and had taken them both to the park just down the road from his. He'd told Grace before he'd gone and she'd approved but Sandra was still dead to the world. Although Gerry Jr was now a bit old for the park he'd agreed to come and play with Olivia because Gerry couldn't and the promise of an ice cream after may have just been what swung him.

Sandra awoke to an quiet house, Olivia was no longer next to her and Gerry was no where to seen. She wandered around the flat but Olivia was no where to be seen and neither was Gerry although the fact that more food was in the flat was the tell tale sign that he'd been back. She ran through to her mums room to find her laying in bed with a puzzle book in her hand.  
"You're up then."  
"Yeah. Where's Liv?"  
"She was bored so Gerry took her to the park."  
"Ah okay, the one down the road?"  
"He didn't say."  
"I might just wander down there see if I can see them."  
"Can you me some more painkillers while you're out?"  
"Sure, are you okay mum?"  
"I'm fine Sandra, I just need something to keep the pain down. Don't worry about me."  
"Okay, I'll get some while I'm out. I won't be long, will you be alright here?"  
"I'm not an invalid Sandra, I have my book, I know where the kitchen is and I can work a tv if I get that bored."  
"Thanks mum. I promise I'll do my best to get us home tomorrow."


	17. We Need to Talk

She wandered down to the little park at the end of Gerry's road. The three people that she was watching had yet to notice her presence so for a while she stood watching Liv chase Gerry Jr and Gerry sat on the bench shouting words of encouragement and also laughing as the two children's laughter became contagious. It was moments like this when all the struggles of motherhood seemed worth it, the moments when Liv seemed properly happy. "Room for one more?" Sandra asked as she sneaked up behind Gerry. "God you frightened the life out of me. Yeah come sit." She pulled her coat a little closer to fight of the cold and sat next to him, her eyes never leaving Olivia. "Have you been out long?" "Half an hour maybe. She was bored and your mum said you wouldn't mind." "Course I don't, I trust you. Thanks for sorting something out for her, I didn't mean to fall asleep." "Don't worry you've had a stressful few days, anyway she was asleep with you. I woke her when I was sorting the shopping." "Ah, I hope she still sleeps tonight." "Well I'm sure all this excitement and running around will wear her out." "I doubt it, sometimes I wonder where she gets all of her energy from." They both laughed. "Are you okay watching them a bit longer? I just need to go to the chemist and then I'll be back." "Chemist? Everything okay?" "Yeah, mum just needs some more painkillers." "Yeah, see you soon." **************************************** "Sandra?" A man called as she went to pick a pack of ibuprofen off of the shelf, the voice wasn't so distinct but she knew who it was before she even turned to look. "Dan?" She now turned and was greeted by a face that wasn't one of happiness. "Yeah, I think we need to talk Sandra." "I just need to get back and give these to mum. How about we meet at the pub down the road at 8?" Sandra said as she tried not to let emotion become evident in her voice. "Okay but make sure you're there." 


	18. Calm Before the Storm

Killing Me Softly 18

The Calm Before the Storm

Sandra half walked half ran back to Gerry's flat and once inside walked through to the kitchen. She threw the bag from the chemists down on the side and then rested against the kitchen work surface and put her head in her hands. When they'd been at the airport earlier that day she'd been convinced that it was all going to work out and now here she was.

"Go and find your mummy!" Gerry told Olivia as they closed the door behind them.

"Baby girl, did you have fun at the park?" Sandra composed herself quickly and picked her little girl up.

"Yeah, I'm hungry now though mummy."

"You better tell Uncle Gerry. I'm just going to see Granny, you do what Uncle Gerry tells you to."

"Uncle Gerry I'm hungry." Olivia moaned.

"How are you at cooking?" Gerry asked her as he brought a chair over to by the work surface so that Olivia could stand on it and see.

"Brilliant." Olivia replied not really knowing what was going on.

"Really? Let's get cooking then."

Olivia was on the chair with Gerry stood behind her in case she fell, they both had hold of a spoon and were stirring the contents of a bowl that had the ingredients for a cake in.

"Can it be chocolate?"

"Really? Chocolate? Fruit cake is so much nicer!" Gerry joked.

"No! Chocolate." Olivia insisted.

"Fine you win."

"Mum, I brought you a glass of water and a couple of painkillers. How are you feeling?" Sandra asked as she sat down on the bed next to her mum.

"Thanks and yeah I'm okay. That woman I like who's in that Lewis programme and that political programme is in a new show in five minutes so I'm going to watch that in here." Grace replied as she took the tablets and the glass of water and downed them in one.

"Okay well Gerry's beginning to cook so it should work out well timing wise. The TV is bigger in the living room by the way mum."

"Yeah I know but I don't think it's exactly family viewing."

"Ah okay, I'll come and get you for dinner."

Sandra walked back through the house and she was going to offer her help in the kitchen but as she neared the kitchen she had to stop, she couldn't help but smile at what she was watching. The scene playing out in front of her made her even more determined for Olivia to have her father in her life for although the thought didn't please Sandra, this was the sort of thing that she was missing out on. For now though she planned to enjoy this calm before the storm came.

Having now had managed to have a nice dinner all together they were now sat in front of the TV watching Toy Story. Gerry and Sandra sat on one sofa with Olivia snuggled in between them and Grace on the seat in the corner, it was nearing Olivia's bedtime and then when bedtime was finished it would be time for Sandra to dash out. Had anyone been looking in on them then they'd have thought they were looking in on a happy family and Sandra wished that was the case because then it'd have been easy. Had Gerry been her father then she was sure they'd have been fine, she'd have had a child with her best friend and ultimately someone who was a great father.

"Baby, the films finished. Are you ready for a bath?"

"Can't we watch another film?" Olivia directed her question at Gerry having already figured that he was softer than her mum.

"If it was up to me then yeah but we better do what your mum says."

"Yeah and mum says bath! You can have a couple of minutes while I go and run your bath but that's it."

"Olivia! Bath time!" Sandra called through the flat only to find Gerry come through instead of her daughter.

"She climbed onto your mums lap and they've both gone to sleep."

"Great." Sandra sighed. "I'll have to bath her first thing then. I'll go and wake her and get her sorted for bed." She could see there was something Gerry wanted to ask but was nervous to. "What is it Gerry?"

"'Do you think I could maybe get her into bed? I mean you're not going to be here much longer and I won't get a chance to again."

"Of course you can Gerry but one thing, you will get the chance to again. I want you to visit whenever you can."

"Thank you Sandra."

"Actually you putting her to bed helps me enormously. I promised someone I'd meet them for a drink. I won't be long and I promise not to wake you if you've gone to bed. You still have a key in the flower pot don't you?"

"It's under the mat now actually and if I've gone to bed then I'll leave a lamp on for you."

"Thanks. Say night to Olivia from me, I'll go and give her a kiss but if she's asleep then she won't know. Tell her I love her and said sweet dreams."

"Will do, have a good night."


End file.
